How to reveal the diagnosis to your loved one? |
There is no right or wrong answer. It all depends on your perception of your loved one's attitude towards this dreadful news.
If you are emotionally disturbed and do not know how to cope with the diagnosis, you are advised to seek counselling.
|
Find paths to healing
|
You must be pro-active to learn all you can about the illness and help
your loved one to select the most appropriate treatment option and cope
with the side effects and discomfort from the treatments.
Learning about pain management is crucial. From my personal experience, most oncologists are not well-trained in pain management and hardly have time to conduct pain assessment given the limited consultation time (probably 10-15 minutes) allocated for each patient at the restructured hospitals/centre.
CancerStory.com provides useful links to local and overseas cancer hospitals and institutions in the United States, United Kingdom and China.
You should consider complementary treatment and obtain an understanding of healing.
You are encouraged to share and learn from others?cancer experience from Support Groups and CancerStory.com Stories & Poems Corner.
|
Managing conflicts over choice of treatments
|
Cancer creates stress for both the patients and their family members. When everyone's ideas and suggestions for treatments are in agreement, there is less frustration. However, if the suggestions include complementary and alternative treatments, there is usually greater disagreement over what course of action the patient should take.
Each family member wants the patient to "conquer" cancer, and acts with the best motives. However, all of them have different sets of information and attitudes. Everyone believes that his/her recommendation is the best. Bearing in mind that fighting against cancer is a tough challenge and there is no "magic" bullet, all family members must resolve the conflicts amicably and compromise with one another in order to arrive at a workable cancer plan for the patient.
Most importantly, the patient must have faith and feel comfortable about the choice of treatment.
|
Provide support and care |
"The most important medicine is tender love and care." - Mother Teresa
However, many people overlook it due to work, personal and family commitments. There were instances when some elderly cancer
patients poured out their miseries to my late mother and one of them even wept in my presence. I felt sorry for her plight but I could only encourage her to think positively. It is really a sad scene to see
these elderly folks without the company of their children at the hospitals. Well this is a hard fact of life. How many
people can afford to sacrifice their jobs to give full support to their parents?
Hopefully, the reading of 24 stories of Filial Devotion, will offer some insights.
I extracted and summarized five selected stories for your reading pleasure.
"Of all codes and classics, filial piety comes first." - Quote from Chinese Proverb
If you believe in Buddhism, I had extracted the ten types of kindnesses bestowed by the mother on the child from Filial Piety Sutra.
|
Help your loved one to lead a quality life and cherish each day and lives to its fullest.
|
-
Show your love and concern for your loved one
-
Spend quality time with your loved one
-
Fulfil wishes of your loved one wherever possible
|
Help your loved one to die peacefully
|
If you are prepared to do so, our founder recommends that you read the booklet on Preparing for Death and Helping the Dying from a Buddhist Perspective at CancerStory Books Corner.
|
Coping with grief on the loss of your loved one
|
Living through grief is an experience that we do not fully understand
and until we walk through it ourselves. It is tough and takes time to heal.
You may need support or counselling to help you overcome your grief.
Pour out your sorrow to someone who can really help you and you will feel much better.
You could also overcome your grief by reading books on grief.
I was given a little book "Living Through Grief" - from a Christian Perspective by a friend and found it quite helpful even though I am a free-thinker.
From my standpoint, Grief is universal. With the kind permission of Lion Publishing Co. UK, I made an extract of it and you can read it from CancerStory Books Corner.
You may also seek help from Professional Counselling Services and Support Groups for Widows and Widowers.
Institute of Mental Health | Tel : 63892200 |
Behavioural Medicine Clinic | Tel : 64353879 |
Fei Yue Family Service Centre | Tel : 65690381 |
St Andrew's Life Streams | Tel : 63232902 |
Care Corner Mandarin Counselling Centre (Toa Payoh) | Tel : 63531180
| Care Corner Woodlands | Tel : 63622481 |
Wicare | Fax : 64632024 |
|
Turn adversity into strength
|
Death is a natural and inevitable part of Life. The sun rises and sets; the seasons come and go; beautiful flowers become
withered and brown; people and other beings are born, live for some time, then die.
Our loved ones may have left us but their spirit, love and memory will linger eternally. We will continue to love and
remember them, especially on their death anniversary. Certainly there are many ways of remembering them, one of these ways
will be to carry on their spirit of caring and sharing and help the less fortunate.
|
Follow-up on your loved one's estate
|
If you need such information, please visit CancerStory Will/Estate Corner.
|